Type: A Journal Entry
Dear God,
It’s me again, Ayi, your beloved daughter. Good morning to you, Lord.
You will not believe the number of words I have written and canceled in writing this article. I mean I understand that this is not just a conversation between the both of us alone, the world is going to see this too. I guess that’s why I am a little conscious. It’s not shameful right?
Oh, it’s my 31st entry for the RWC writing year. 30th actually, I missed a week. Right now, I’m not sure I’m following the rules or any concord of English, I’m writing all of this in a hurry. It’s a very late submission again. I’m scared that it may not fit too, LOL, you won’t believe I just said a two seconds prayer before starting to write or so.
To be honest, I think I care what the public think about my writing and all, but yeah, I know this is a personal convo with you that I’m letting the world know about. I’m also glad that I get to not just speak with you, it really can be written down, re-read and useful to glorify your name again.
There are so many things I’d like to say but I’m not even sure I know what it is that I have to say. I think it may be because it’s you that I am talking to. I always have a lot to say to you. Why not though? You bear the answer to all. You are the owner of wisdom and the embodiment of all that there is to this world.
I’m currently writing my exams again, God. I am scared. I am very scared. I’ve always been scared. I guess it started during the time I was seeking for admission and I had to write JAMB again and different exams too.
I’m not sure I used to be that much scared before. Even if I was, I was human dependent too, and so on. Like I was saying, I’m scared, Lord. Lord, I won’t deny it again how much I cherish and desire excellence in me. I have even had a talk with myself one time, whether it is because I know all that you have blessed me with and I will not like that everything about me does not fully bring glory to your name and that that will be a deviation from all that you’ve written about me. I have told myself that this may be the sole purpose why I am chasing excellence. Other times I think it’s because I want to make a name for myself and be respected, LOL.
I guess there is still much of flesh in me in many ways. I have done some really unnecessary things recently that made me felt like Ayisat, you are low-key boasting. You must be so full of yourself. Why are you doing everything to make yourself seem different or unique? Other days, I think pride is one of my least trait. I don’t think I even have it because I believe that I all I have and will ever have will be from you. I also ask myself whether I even have anything in my possession to boast about, LOL. But maybe it’s more than that, you see the heart and you know fully well what defines pride. You also know what defines being certain of my identity in you.
You know what I am actually scared about the most, God? I think it is that my actions may not please you at some point and maybe because I may not also be sure whether I will be in full knowledge when that happens. I really want to serve you with all my being. It hurts when I also know that I don’t please you in my ways. This is why I will also give myself more to your spirit in intimacy via praying and studying so your Holiness can rub off on me.
Pheww, I’m not sure how this conversation went from exams to my fear, the people reading this must be shocked at the disorderliness of this writer, what they might don’t know is that I tend to run my mouth in your presence. I guess it’s the same thing I’m doing in writing now.
How is your kingship, God? I know I will never get an audible answer to that. Is it not funny that that’s what the world expects when they say you spoke to someone? I know everything is in order in your kingdom though, that is because you are lord of course, you have everything in control.
I cannot believe I managed to make this journal entry reach this length too. Good morning again, Lord. I just think that you are really good. You are worth the hype and praise and your name is to be truly hallowed forever more.
I’d like to be a creation that is submissive to her creator and yearns to please Him always, please make me that. That will be all for now, until the next time in writing, Bye.
Abbreviations.
LOL- Laugh Out Loud.
The Ayi 